Hi there ladies. Hi there Gentlemen. Hi there to All Inclusive and Anyone Reading because this sucks for anyone to go through group.
Last month, we had talked about the results of an HSG my doctor had recommended giving me as our timeline for natural conception, I'm ovulating let's get busy time, seemed to be running into overtime. I was devastated, but with this entire year, our ups and downs.... and downs and downs, I needed to get back up and dust myself off.
My OBGYN had determined that my fallopian tubes had been damaged as a result of the miscarriage I experienced in January. The damage to my tubes was so severe that they are now blocked by scar tissue. There is no way an egg, oocyte, can pass through them. Fuck. What do I do with that information?
I felt as though I had been punched in the gut. My chest was empty. Was it not enough to lose my baby? Now I have to face the fact that I can no longer conceive... My head was spinning and my feet were nowhere to be found. How the fuck is any of this happening to me? Me of all people? I say that, because as I have said before, I have always been extraordinarily average. Right now, it seems as though I keep getting knocked over with these weird circumstances and tiny percentages.
My OBGYN wanted to schedule an immediate surgery known as laparoscopy. I had my reservations and upon swimming in my own head for a few minutes, I decided to acknowledge his plan, do some research on my own and go home to cry about it. I thanked him and excused myself.
I just feel that in this last year, it is up to me to be my own advocate. I need to own my body and I need to do what I feel is in my best interest. I hadn't ruled this procedure out, I did however, decide to look into all of my options.
After melting, rolling around in my carcass, going into blackout mode and then straight into panic mode for the next couple weeks, I decided to start my research.
Laparoscopy.
Laparoscopy is a minimally invasive procedure. You are put under anesthesia, and a laparoscope is inserted and scar tissue is removed. This is a very basic explanation.
For me, As soon as I heard anesthesia and surgery, I started panicking.
From my understanding and my own research ( Please do your own research) I felt as though natural conception, following this procedure was not guaranteed. In fact, depending on where this blockage has taken place, the percentage of success can vary quite drastically. We did not know where this blockage was occurring, just that it was. I was also concerned about healing time. How long are we expected to keep at it until we were sure this surgery had or had not been successful? Through my research, it looked as though the ask on that was 18 months.... 18 more months? I don't know if I can do this dance for 18 more months. I am 36 and I feel as though I need to conceive as quickly as possible.
So, what I think about Laparoscopy.
If I was in my early 30's, absolutely. I would love to have my body feel like it belongs to me again. I would love to conceive naturally. I do not think the wait time is for me. 18 months. This has already been far too long and far too painful. The success rate of natural conception is not fully determined and is not a guarantee that I would not need to seek treatment down the road.
The following Monday, I made an appointment with a fertility clinic.
Srey and I have decided to move forward with IVF. We are going to bypass the tubes, the surgery and the wait. Now is the time. This is going to be our last big hurrah.
I'm scared and nervous. I've conditioned myself to be hopeful, but never too excited.
Next time we chat, I'll talk to you about our consultation, the expected costs, success rate, research and the procedures (hysteroscopy, blood work and genetic testing) it takes to get over your first hurdle.
And with that I bid you peace of mind and heart.
As always, I check my email. If you need to reach out, please do. Please share this if you feel it might help.
alishawiese@gmail.com
XO
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